A Moment for You, the Adult, This Halloween

Halloween can be overwhelming for so many reasons.

Maybe you're rushing home to get costumes on, anticipating meltdowns, unsure of what to do with all the candy.

Maybe you're navigating infertility, child loss, or the ache of not yet having a child in your arms, and now you're watching an endless parade of kids at your door or filling your screen.

Maybe you're remembering your own childhood Halloweens with complicated feelings.

Maybe you’re feeling really nervous about the possibility of people coming to your door, having to interact with other people.

Or thinking about how your jumpy nervous system is going to feel extra on-edge later with all the masks and spooky things.

And if you’re sitting here noticing yourself thinking, it’s not me, it’s the kids. If they could just do X, I wouldn’t be annoyed. Just notice that too.

When we're not resourced, we're more likely to get snappy. We might be irritated towards the kid who grabs too much candy. We tell the high schooler his costume isn't good enough or he's too old. We make the shy or nonspeaking child perform "trick or treat" before we'll give them candy. We get annoyed instead of curious. 

We even abandon our own little selves who are having a hard time, either ignoring them or telling them to stop overreacting.

Let's bring a little magic back to you.

So you can be resourced for today. Here's what I invite you to do:

If you'd like to listen to a shortened version of this visualization, head over to my  instagram 

An Exercise for Today

See if you can give some permission to allow a few minutes to do this exercise. Have someone read it to you or listen to the video.

Take a couple breaths to whatever capacity feels okay. Let your shoulders drop. Unclench. Notice if there’s anything you can do to give just a little bit of comfort to yourself in this moment.

Notice if there are some things starting to come into mind that you're maybe not wanting to focus on in this moment. Some distractions. Allow them to fall to the wayside, if that feels okay to you. If you can imagine putting them into a container, do that. Not to ignore them, but to come back to them later. See if it can be okay if you can return your attention to this. And if you can't that's okay. There's no right or wrong.

Now, I invite you to bring to mind a hero of yours. Or a teacher, a coach, a supportive adult who was there for you at some point in your life. Someone who made you feel like you mattered.

Picture them clearly. What did they look like? What did they sound like? When were you around them?

Notice what that person was like with you. How were they interacting with you? What were they saying? Maybe they listened without trying to fix. Maybe they stood beside you instead of correcting you. Maybe they saw your struggles and didn't make you feel small for having them.

Really notice the details. Their tone of voice. The look in their eyes. The way they made space for you. Did they give you space?

Did they listen, laugh with you, believe in you?

Notice what you felt like when you were with them. Did you feel seen? Understood? Supported? Like they'd stand up for you? Like they cared, deeply and without conditions? Maybe even neutral. Whatever is okay.

Now see if there’s a way that you can invite them to be here with you today. Right beside you. As you wrangle the costumes, answer the food, or scroll through photos that sting. As you manage the hard. As you navigate whatever hard feelings come up.

They're there. With that same steady presence. That same belief in you. Reminding you that you're doing something hard, and you don't have to do it a certain way. Anything is okay.

And with whatever next breath feels okay, and open your eyes.

Take with you whatever care and steadiness or neutrality you imagined with your person.

Remember, they’ve got you tonight, while you get to have or give a bit of halloween magic.

You can also follow along on instagram 

With care & courage,

Dr. Meghan & Scout

As with all my posts, this post is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment. You reading this does not constitute a therapeutic relationship. If you have concerns about your or your child’s safety or well-being, please reach out to a licensed provider or crisis resource.