Post 4. Finding Steady Ground: What to Do Now

Dr. Meghan Clifford
Sep 3
4 min read

Updated: Sep 5

When something traumatic happens, the first days and weeks feel disorienting. You may find yourself asking:

What should I do right now?

How do I help my child?

How do I help myself?

The good news (and probably bad news to some of you) is—you don’t have to have all the answers right away. In fact, thinking too far ahead may get in your way.

Healing is a process (unfortunately...), and the very first steps are about safety, steadiness, and connection.

Therapists call this Psychological First Aid. Think of it as the emotional version of caring for a wound: before you treat anything deeply, you stop the bleeding, protect the injury, and make sure basic needs are met.

Here are some gentle, practical ways to begin:

1. Ensure Safety

Make sure you and your child are in an environment where you feel physically secure.
- Your brain may need to be reminded that you're safe. So look around the room and observe. If there is in fact no real threat, remind your brain of that (i.e., say it to yourself).
Try to reduce exposure to reminders of the trauma if possible (such as news coverage or stressful conversations).
- This doesn't mean you can't talk about your specific memories with others. It means, when you're recounting it, make sure you can feel both feet in the present when you're doing so.
Remember: Your brain's alarm system is likely still on high alert. This will ease with time and support-- your brain needs to relearn to respond to the many new alarms your brain has been trained to alert you to.

2. Provide Simple, Honest Information

For your child: Use clear, age-appropriate language about what happened. Even simple reassurance like, “It's over. You're safe now, and we’re together,” can help.
- Toddlers & Preschoolers (ages 1–5): At this age, children mostly need tone and presence. Keep words short, calm, and repetitive.
  - Example: “That was scary. You are safe now. We’re together.”
  - Focus on routines, cuddles, and sensory comfort (blanket, stuffed animal, rocking).
  - Avoid details of the event—they don’t process abstract explanations yet.
- School-Age Kids (ages 6–12): These children are beginning to understand cause and effect, but they still see things in concrete terms. They may worry about safety and blame themselves.
  - Example: “Something hard happened. It wasn’t your fault. We’re safe here.”
  - Invite questions but keep answers short and clear.
  - Offer choices when possible (e.g., “Do you want to sleep with a night-light tonight or keep the door open?”).
  - Acknowledge and validate their feelings: “It makes sense you feel scared/sad/angry after something like this.”
- Teens (ages 13+): Adolescents value honesty and may be exposed to outside information from peers, media, or social networks. They need adults who can be real with them, while still providing a steady anchor.
  - Example: “Yes, something frightening happened. You’re safe now. What questions do you have?”
  - Give space for them to talk—or not talk. Sometimes just sitting with them is enough.
  - Encourage healthy outlets (movement, journaling, music, time with trusted friends).
  - Acknowledge their growing independence while still checking in often.
  - For yourself: It can help to remember that what you’re feeling—shock, numbness, fear, anger, sadness—are typical reactions to an abnormal event.

3. Take Care of Practical Needs

Trauma often disrupts daily life in very real ways.

Accept help if others offer to cook, provide childcare, or handle phone calls.
If housing, legal, or financial issues are pressing, lean on community resources or trusted friends to help carry the load.

Meeting these basic needs helps your body and mind feel steadier.

4. Strengthen Connection

For kids: Encourage gentle routines—shared meals, playtime, bedtime rituals. Familiar connection helps them feel secure.
For you: Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or spiritual leader. Even short check-ins can buffer against feeling alone.
If talking feels too hard, connection can also come through quiet presence—watching a show together, going for a walk, or simply sitting side by side.
Give yourself permission to only do connection that feels good to you. Give yourself permission to leave at any time if it stops feeling good.

5. Ground Yourself in the Present

In the aftermath of trauma, both kids and adults may feel “pulled back” into the event. Simple grounding practices can help bring you back into the here and now:

Name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, one thing you can taste.
Take slow, steady breaths, paying attention to the rise and fall of your chest.
Place both feet firmly on the ground and remind yourself: I am here. I am safe in this moment.

This one is so very important. This is what allows your brain to learn that you are in fact in the present and not dealing with an active life-threat in this moment.

Remember: Healing Takes Time

What matters most in these first days and weeks is safety, calm, and connection.

If you or your child continue to feel stuck—struggling with sleep, flashbacks, or strong emotions that don’t ease over time—it may be helpful to connect with a trauma-informed therapist. And if you work with a therapist, act in your authority as a parent and go with what feels best to you.

A Gentle Reminder

If you’re reading this as a parent, know that supporting yourself is also supporting your child (I know... you've heard it a million times, here it is again). When you are cared for and grounded, you model safety for them. Kids learn best from watching.

You've got this. Let's get your two feet in the present.

Signing off for now. I'm going to go practice what I preach and drink some chamomile tea to remind my body what calm tastes like to me.

With great care,

Dr. Meghan & Scout