Post 3. When Safety Feels Far Away: Common Responses After a Traumatic Event

Welcome to the third post in this series Thanks for being here. While these reflections and time-markers are written in real time for the Annunciation community, this information is also for anyone navigating the days immediately following a traumatic event.

Okay, let's get to it.

If you or your child lived through a traumatic event, no matter the level of involvement, it’s normal for your body, mind, and emotions to feel out of balance in the days that follow. As my brilliant colleague, Molly Deprekel reflected to me, there is a huge range of normal responses to human tragedy, including both grief, anger, and survival responses. There’s no “right” way to respond. Reactions can vary widely, and sometimes they feel confusing or overwhelming.

Before we talk about what you might notice in yourself or someone else who was involved in this first week following a trauma, I want to define the two primary parts of trauma for you:

Traumatic Events & Adaptive Responses

1. Traumatic Event: An experience that overwhelms your ability to cope in that moment. It may include life-threat, but it doesn’t have to.

2. Adaptive survival responses: Automatic reactions that happen in your body including fight, flight, freeze, and fall. These happen automatically, without you being able to choose them.

This means that within one "traumatic event" can live many different experiences.

No matter your or your child’s degree of involvement—whether you were in the room, in another part of the building, nearby, or waiting outside after getting an alert—your experience matters. The event itself does not necessarily determine who will continue to feel survival responses afterward. Many other factors play a role.

What’s important is to know is that that you “entered” the event at the point where your brain became too overwhelmed to cope with the resources you had in that moment. That’s when survival took over. Some people may still be feeling those responses now; others may not. Either way, that's okay. Different brains process differently. We can find care and support for you whatever way your brain is processing.

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Common Responses in the First Days

I invite you to give yourself permission to start noticing if you or someone you know might still be having survival responses.

Remember: every brain responds differently. You may relate to some, all, or none of these. Any amount is okay. These are not the only possible responses.

Here are some common reactions people may notice in the immediate days after trauma:

• Sleep disruptions – difficulty falling asleep, waking often, nightmares.

• Body tension or physical symptoms – headaches, stomachaches, muscle aches, feeling tired but wired, fatigue.

• Emotional changes– tearfulness, irritability, numbness, sudden waves of fear or sadness.

• Difficulty concentrating – trouble focusing on conversations, reading, or tasks, feeling foggy.

• Feeling disconnected - feeling numb, like you're not fully present, maybe feeling out of your body, feeling disconnected from what's going on around you, zoning out.

• Feeling on edge – jumpy with certain noises, smells, or other sensory info, hyper-alert to surroundings.

• Changes in appetite – eating more or less than usual.

• Intrusive reminders - Feeling like you're back there and then instead of here and now, memories of similar feelings to that day come on suddenly

All of these are common, adaptive responses to overwhelming stress. There are many more I could add to this list. In many cases, they gradually ease with time, rest, and supportive connection.

Here’s What You Can Do (Back to Basics)

In the first days after trauma, your body and mind are still trying to make sense of what happened. You don’t need to “fix” yourself or your child—healing takes time. What helps most are small, steady things that support safety and connection such as:

• Keep a rhythm: Stick to a familiar routine for meals or bedtime. Familiar structure can help your brain feel safer. Don't feel the pressure to keep them all, or all parts of them.

• Rest when you can: Sleep may feel disrupted. Even quiet time, lying down, or short naps can help your body recover.

• Move your body: Gentle walks, stretching, or playing outside help release stress your system is still carrying.

• Eat and hydrate: Trauma can change appetite. Aim for regular snacks, water, and balanced meals.

• Lean on your helpful people: Reach out to friends, family, or community members who feel supportive. Even brief moments of connection matter.

• Limit overwhelm: Reduce exposure to constant news or difficult conversations. Give your system space to settle.

• Offer comfort (to yourself and kids): Snuggles, grounding touch (like holding your own hand), or calming sensory input (blankets, music, rocking) signal safety to the body.

• Name what’s happening: Remind yourself and your child: “This is my body remembering. It will pass.” Naming the response reduces confusion and shame.

You don’t have to do all of these. Choose one or two to help your brain reset a little each day.

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When to Reach Out

It’s always okay to reach out—support doesn’t have to wait until things feel unbearable. There are more than enough therapists in MN ready and willing to help right now.

Many times these responses lessen as the initial days pass. You might consider reaching out for more support now if:

• You're wondering if therapy would be helpful. If you're wondering, it probably would.

• You're noticing things feeling worse

• You feel like you haven't been present since the event happened.

• You or your child seem “stuck” in one state (constantly on edge, shut down, or checked out).

• Daily life—work, school, eating, or sleep—feels unmanageable as demands start to arise again.

• You're not able to leave your house.

• You're noticing not wanting to live anymore or wanting to hurt yourself. [If you or your child are experiencing suicidal thoughts, cannot ensure safety, or feel unable to function, seek immediate support by calling 911 or local emergency services listed at the bottom of this page]

If you notice these patterns, it does not mean something is “wrong” with you or your child—it means your brain may need some support to get it's time-keeper back online and to contain the powerful experience you had. Healing is not meant to be done entirely alone.

A Gentle Closing

In these early days, the most important thing is giving yourself and your child compassion, care, and grace. What you’re feeling is a natural human response to overwhelm. Starting to notice, get curious about what's going on, without judgment, is an important step.

Coming up next:

In upcoming posts, I’ll also share about the emotional side of recovery—things like survivor guilt, feeling disconnected, or struggling to balance closeness and self-care. These experiences are also normal, and they deserve their own space.

You can also follow along on instagram for a matching daily post.

With great care,

Dr. Meghan & Scout

Crisis Response Hotline and Mobile Crisis Teams:

For if you want to talk to someone immediately or are worried about your or someone else's safety:

1. Disaster Distress Helpline

The Disaster Distress Helpline (DDH) is the first national hotline dedicated to providing year-round disaster crisis counseling. This toll-free, multilingual, crisis support service is available 24/7 to all residents in the U.S. and its territories who are experiencing emotional distress related to natural or human-caused disasters. 

• Call or text 1-800-985-5990 

• Español: Llama o envía un mensaje de texto 1-800-985-5990 presiona “2.” 

• For Deaf and Hard of Hearing ASL Callers: Please text or call the Disaster Distress Helpline at 1-800-985-5990 using your preferred Relay provider. 

2. Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988Available 24/7 phone 

3. MN Family Response and Stabilization Service: 612-979-9511 Available 24/7 phone or in-person visit 

4. Cope Mobile Crisis Response: Hennepin County: 612-596-1223 Available 24/7 phone, virtual, or in-person visit 

5. Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741or text AYUDA for help in Spanish Available 24/7 phone 

   
   

As with all my posts, this post is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment. You reading this does not constitute a therapeutic relationship. If you have concerns about your or your child’s safety or well-being, please reach out to a licensed provider or crisis resource.