Post 6. Your Power, Agency, Control, and Autonomy Were Ripped Away From You.

Dr. Meghan Clifford
Sep 5
5 min read

Updated: 2 days ago

A precursor to: EMDR, ART, TF-CBT, CPT, OH MY! How Do I Decide?

Transparency guides my practice.

Over the past week, as I’ve had the sacred privilege of joining alongside the Annunciation community and many of those providing care and support, I’ve found myself pulled to write about some patterns I've become curious about– particularly related to decision-making and accessing support.

My intention is not to convince you to choose one therapy over another, or even choose anything at all. Instead, I want to share what I know about human development, posttraumatic stress, and mental health so you can step into your own authority, bring the knowledge of your child, and make collaborative decisions without feeling pressured.

I'll be breaking this in a 2-part (maybe 3) post.

The situation, as I see it.

When you experienced this traumatic event, you learned firsthand what it feels like to have your agency, autonomy, sense of control and ability to protect yourself or your child ripped away from you.

Pause. Breathe in, breathe out. Remind your brain: I am here. It is over.

Now, in the days after, when something reminds you—even slightly—of that day, your brain may switch into an automatic survival response (remember from post 5: fight, flight, freeze, fall).

Do these seem familiar?

Your child has their own trauma response, and you may feel unsure how to respond → Survival response activated.
You’re worried about your child and unsure what they need → Survival response activated.

Your ability to shield your child was taken from you in that moment.

You know the event was traumatic, and reminders continue. You may feel concern for your child, your partner, or others involved. The duty that all parents feel, on a 'regular' day, to keep their children safe, now feels that much more urgent and critical. You feel it in your bones.

You might be having the natural urge of wanting to find ‘the thing’ that’s going to make sure your child will be okay. Like you must do something now.

The Flood of Options

Enter in… literally hundreds of different options of therapists all with their own opinions and recommendations. This is incredible, and a lot. Both are true — these resources are important and decision making when your brain is overwhelmed is tricky.

Even I, who wasn’t there that day, notice my own fight response in wanting to protect you all, who have been through so much. And I have to put my hands on my heart and stomach, and remind my brain, It is not my job to protect them. My role is to step into my intentionality and around my sense of urgency to come alongside and help give them what was taken from them - a sense of power, agency and autonomy. So that’s what I’m trying to do with these posts.

Why This Happens-- Brain Science Explains it:

Your brain’s alarm system is on high alert. Even faint reminders—what you saw, heard, smelled, or felt that day—can set off an alarm.

Every time an alarm goes off, your thinking brain is temporarily “switched off”, allowing your body to enter a fight, flight, freeze, and/or fall mode. This is how brains are wired for survival. Afterwards, your thinking brain must relearn which reminders are truly dangerous and which are safe.

©Liz Angoff 2020 www.brainbuildingbook.com

This means 2 things about your thinking capacity right now:

Your thinking brain is doing A LOT of work right now, responding to more alarms than usual and having to relearn which of these reminders are real and which are false alarms.
Because of this, it’s exhausted. It's also less frequently the primary one 'in charge.'

Do you notice yourself feeling exhausted, not being able to remember things, not finding your words, not being able to concentrate, not being able to make decisions, even about simple things like what to eat for dinner? This is your brain under stress.

So here we are: the intersection of your brain in overdrive, responding to frequent false alarms while also having to make decisions about care and support.

I’d invite you to reflect on the following:

Am I Deciding from a Resourced and Empowered Place or from Urgency?

(Note: Sometimes quick decisions are necessary—like if safety is at immediate risk. In those cases, urgent action is appropriate.)

Empowered decision-making:

I feel steady enough to pause before deciding.
I’m open to exploring more than one option.
I don’t feel rushed or pressured to choose right now (unless there is an immediate safety concern).
I’m asking myself: What matters most to me and my child?
I’m able to weigh the pros and cons of different supports.
I understand (or can ask questions about) the difference between normal stress reactions and when therapy is needed.
The provider explains options clearly, including risks and benefits, so I can truly consent.

Decisions made out of urgency:

I feel like I have to choose immediately (and it’s not about immediate safety).
I see only one option or think it’s the only thing that will help
I go along without pausing, because someone told me to, even if it's a professional
My body feels tense, panicked, or shut down.
I notice myself wanting to hand over all power to someone else without question
I feel disconnected from what I want or what feels right for my child.

Sometimes urgency is protective —like when safety is at immediate risk. Other times, urgency is more about the brain trying to get relief fast, which can pull us into decisions we may not actually want. Both parents and providers can feel this pull, especially so close to a tragedy. Providers deeply want to help and often feel the same urgency, especially when standing close to so much pain. Naming this helps everyone pause and move forward together with clarity and purpose.

An Invitation for today:

Before making any decisions about therapy, pause for a moment. Notice your breath, notice your body, and remind yourself: I can take time to make choices from a steady, resourced place.

You might also watch this 3 minute video that has some techniques you can try with yourself, your kids, and even your pets to bring your brain into the present moment. Thank you to Molly DePrekel, MA, LP for sharing your wisdom.

Some families may explore EMDR, TF-CBT, ART, or CPT. Others may start with containment or resourcing. Some may stick with parent or community support. Some will recover without any professional help. There is no one ‘right’ choice — the best approach is one that is, intentional, grounded in empowerment and safety, and paced for your child's specific situation.

In the next post, we’ll dive into practical steps with information about types of therapy.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this! Comment or reach out to me!

You can also follow along on instagram for a matching daily post.

With great courage and care,

Dr. Meghan & Scout

As with all my posts, this post is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment. You reading this does not constitute a therapeutic relationship. If you have concerns about your or your child’s safety or well-being, please reach out to a licensed provider or crisis resource.

A precursor to: EMDR, ART, TF-CBT, CPT, OH MY! How Do I Decide?

Transparency guides my practice.

Over the past week, as I’ve had the sacred privilege of joining alongside the Annunciation community and many of those providing care and support, I’ve found myself pulled to write about some patterns I've become curious about– particularly related to decision-making and accessing support.

I'll be breaking this in a 2-part (maybe 3) post.

The situation, as I see it.

When you experienced this traumatic event, you learned firsthand what it feels like to have your agency, autonomy, sense of control and ability to protect yourself or your child ripped away from you.

Pause. Breathe in, breathe out. Remind your brain: I am here. It is over.

Now, in the days after, when something reminds you—even slightly—of that day, your brain may switch into an automatic survival response (remember from post 5: fight, flight, freeze, fall).

Do these seem familiar?

Your child has their own trauma response, and you may feel unsure how to respond → Survival response activated.

You’re worried about your child and unsure what they need → Survival response activated.

Your ability to shield your child was taken from you in that moment.

You know the event was traumatic, and reminders continue. You may feel concern for your child, your partner, or others involved. The duty that all parents feel, on a 'regular' day, to keep their children safe, now feels that much more urgent and critical. You feel it in your bones.

You might be having the natural urge of wanting to find ‘the thing’ that’s going to make sure your child will be okay. Like you must do something now.

The Flood of Options

Enter in… literally hundreds of different options of therapists all with their own opinions and recommendations. This is incredible, and a lot. Both are true — these resources are important and decision making when your brain is overwhelmed is tricky.

Why This Happens-- Brain Science Explains it:

Your brain’s alarm system is on high alert. Even faint reminders—what you saw, heard, smelled, or felt that day—can set off an alarm.

Every time an alarm goes off, your thinking brain is temporarily “switched off”, allowing your body to enter a fight, flight, freeze, and/or fall mode. This is how brains are wired for survival. Afterwards, your thinking brain must relearn which reminders are truly dangerous and which are safe.

This means 2 things about your thinking capacity right now:

Your thinking brain is doing A LOT of work right now, responding to more alarms than usual and having to relearn which of these reminders are real and which are false alarms.

Because of this, it’s exhausted. It's also less frequently the primary one 'in charge.'

Do you notice yourself feeling exhausted, not being able to remember things, not finding your words, not being able to concentrate, not being able to make decisions, even about simple things like what to eat for dinner? This is your brain under stress.

So here we are: the intersection of your brain in overdrive, responding to frequent false alarms while also having to make decisions about care and support.

I’d invite you to reflect on the following:

Am I Deciding from a Resourced and Empowered Place or from Urgency?

(Note: Sometimes quick decisions are necessary—like if safety is at immediate risk. In those cases, urgent action is appropriate.)

Empowered decision-making:

I feel steady enough to pause before deciding.

I’m open to exploring more than one option.

I don’t feel rushed or pressured to choose right now (unless there is an immediate safety concern).

I’m asking myself: What matters most to me and my child?

I’m able to weigh the pros and cons of different supports.

I understand (or can ask questions about) the difference between normal stress reactions and when therapy is needed.

The provider explains options clearly, including risks and benefits, so I can truly consent.

Decisions made out of urgency:

I feel like I have to choose immediately (and it’s not about immediate safety).

I see only one option or think it’s the only thing that will help

I go along without pausing, because someone told me to, even if it's a professional

My body feels tense, panicked, or shut down.

I notice myself wanting to hand over all power to someone else without question

I feel disconnected from what I want or what feels right for my child.

An Invitation for today:

Before making any decisions about therapy, pause for a moment. Notice your breath, notice your body, and remind yourself: I can take time to make choices from a steady, resourced place.

You might also watch this 3 minute video that has some techniques you can try with yourself, your kids, and even your pets to bring your brain into the present moment. Thank you to Molly DePrekel, MA, LP for sharing your wisdom.

In the next post, we’ll dive into practical steps with information about types of therapy.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this! Comment or reach out to me!

You can also follow along on instagram for a matching daily post.

With great courage and care,

Dr. Meghan & Scout

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